10 Ideas for Supporting the Family Caregiver in Your Life from a Caregiving Veteran

As a former family caregiver, I often get asked for advice on how people can be most helpful to the caregiver in their lives. I spent nearly a decade caring for my husband, Steve, and have a lot of experience in this arena. Here are 10 suggestions that I offer to those who ask. 

1. Validate their feelings instead of shaming them. 

Caregivers feel the emotions of all they see in their loved ones plus the stress of all that it takes to care for them. They need a place to vent these frustrations without judgment. A place they can come to express their sadness, anxiety, exhaustion, etc., and know they are loved regardless. 

2. Don't just ask how their person is but include them in the checking-in. 

It’s nice to be asked how the person we are lovingly caring for is doing, but sometimes it feels as if the caregiver matters less when that’s all you ask about. 

3. Food is always food. 

Once you know their dietary preferences, offer to drop off food that you have cooked or order food for them. This also goes for when their loved one is in the hospital. Not having to think about what to make for dinner is sometimes the little break a caregiver needs to lighten their load.  

4. Random acts of kindness are sweet but sometimes doing something without the caregiver's knowledge can set them into panic mode. 

So little is in their control that surprises can trigger anxiety because of that reality. If you have an act of kindness you want to perform that’s lovely, communicate with the caregiver first so they can be mentally prepared for the gift.

5. Caregivers also have decision-making fatigue and asking-for-help fatigue. 

Instead of asking, “What can I do to help?” think about something you actually can offer and then offer it. My favorite offering was someone to either help clean my house or hire someone to do this because cleaning the house – outside of the space where my husband was – always came last. 

6. If you have the capacity, sit with them while they handle stressful tasks. 

One time when my husband was having a stressful breathing moment my friend sat with me quietly only to add, “You’re doing amazing,” after each time I had to clear his airway. This friend kept me from another all-day panic attack. 

7. Learn some of the easier tasks and offer to do them for a moment while they sit in another room. 

And assure them you will find them for the harder tasks. Small breaks add up when you're doing round-the-clock care. 

8. Adopt Winnie the Pooh’s attitude of acceptance towards Eeyore even though he was always blue. 

Invite your friends, and allow them to come even if they are sad or stressed. Don't comment about them bringing the vibe down instead include them in their authentic feelings. This brings both validation and some normalcy. If your friends cannot leave the house, like I couldn’t while being a full-time caregiver, tell them how much you think about them when you do things and miss them. This is also a great time to suggest a night of low-key fun at their house so they can feel included. 

9. If the caregiver has children, invite the children for outings. 

Take the kids to places so they can get to experience things, which gives the caregiver a break from the kids, and also a break from the guilt of not always being able to do things with their kids. If they have animals or pets, offer to help do things like take them to the vet or for walks. 

10. Be patient. 

Family caregivers often have caregiving fatigue, cannot care for themselves, and often feel too overwhelmed to keep up with everyone's lives. If a caregiver forgets your birthday or doesn’t check in for a length of time, do not take it personally. Caregivers are often operating at their max, but that does not mean they don’t love or care about you. They simply do not have the energy or capacity to always communicate it.

Family caregivers face a great deal of stress and are susceptible to burnout. We know a healthy diet is essential for overall health and wellness but even that can be difficult with intensive caregiving demands.

If cooking for the caregiver in your life isn’t your thing, healthy foods are a click away with the many food delivery apps and platforms that are available. Local delivery platforms allow anyone to easily send fresh, locally-made, nourishing treats.

If you’re looking to make the caregiver in your life feel extra special, Care+Giving has some beautiful gift box ideas that you can customize and Spoonful of Comfort offers an array of charming packages tailored to caregivers. Another favorite is Goldbelly which allows you to send gourmet treats from top restaurants across the US.

We’d love to know if this week’s post is helpful and we invite you to comment below or send us a note.