From Caregiving to Self-Care: Healing Trauma One Step at a Time

Body
Written By Hope Ann Cross
A dreamy double exposure image of a woman dancing outside at dusk.

It is not easy for me to admit that caregiving correlates with trauma in my brain. I loved caring for my husband, and it was an honor to do it. Our journey taught me I had a much bigger purpose than I understood up until that point. After a life of stress and trauma, it felt second nature for me to walk directly into the fire that is caring for a terminally ill patient. 

Because of the lack of care I put into myself, along with the demands of the care I gave, my body became affected. As much as I allowed the wound to be where the light enters, I also had to acknowledge that my body has stored some of the trauma and stress, and I needed to learn how to clear it to regain my full vitality.

Caregiving and Trauma  

Science shows that trauma can change our cellular structure and brain chemistry over time, leading to illnesses, immune system deficiencies, possibly even life-threatening diseases, and a shorter life span. Hearing this can make people feel hesitant or even dreadful when they think about becoming a caregiver. 

Despite this knowledge, I would go back and say yes to being a caregiver for my husband after his ALS diagnosis, but I would have done it differently. I would have requested more help, I would have set better boundaries, I would have made it a point to be sure I am taking care of myself, but perhaps most importantly, I would have studied somatic exercises to move the trauma from my body. 

I remember feeling so exhausted that my bones hurt. I thought if I had to move my husband's stiff body, wake up in the middle of the night to suction his trach or work through one more respiratory distress situation it would end me. My body was in a perpetual state of tension. I remember one time a friend casually suggested I relax my jaw and I cried. The tension I was holding in my body was where each traumatic event was stored.

Movement is Healing

When I finally did start a yoga practice, it first started as, oh, let me learn this fancy pose but quickly shifted to please get this tension out of my body! I now implement an intuitive yoga practice into my every day in addition to my other favorite somatic practice: daily dance party! Sometimes I dance multiple times each day. 

Nothing has felt so freeing in my body than a dance party followed by a deep, slow, flowy yoga practice. If I had understood how much stress and trauma I was storing in my body and not just my mind and soul, I would have understood that even though I was more tired than the word tired -- I still needed to move my body. 

Now, I practice morning and night to help heal that burnt-out caregiver who didn’t know what to do but power through, and I can feel stress from up to 10 years ago leaving my body. I can attest to an improved mood, as well as improved energy with these practices. 

You are worth the energy you put into those you care for. You are worthy of every minute you can spend on yourself. Your mind, body, and spirit will thank you.


 
Hope Ann Cross

Hope Cross worked as a mental health counselor with adults and children in the city of Atlanta until leaving the field to become a full-time caregiver in 2011. For 9 years she cared and advocated for a person with ALS and learned skills needed for caring for someone with an advanced terminal illness. During this time Hope became an artist as a way to manage the demands of being sole provider of care, and found a connection to art as a form of therapy. In 2020 she moved to Blue Ridge, GA, and started her journey back into counseling.

https://www.hopefromearth.com
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