Our First Holiday Season Without Dad: A Journey of Grief and Remembrance

As the holiday lights twinkle and festive songs fill the air, there's an unspoken emptiness in our home this year. It's our first holiday season without my dad, who passed away last year, just before the new year. This journey of grief and remembrance during what's supposed to be the happiest time of the year is a path many of us walk, albeit silently.

I remember Dad's requests on Christmas, specifically around food. He asked for items, such as Brussels sprouts, Christmas pudding, and mince pies. On Christmas Eve, he would play BBC Radio, listening to A Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols, which was the choir that sang every Christmas. This year, the memory of his excitement putting on the radio is both painful and precious. Losing him feels like a lifetime ago and yet, sometimes, it seems like just yesterday.

The day before he passed, my sister and I had a heart-wrenching phone call. Dad had been battling pneumonia and, though he was supposedly recovering, his need for oxygen was growing. I felt a desperate helplessness, believing that hospital care was our only hope. My sister, in contrast, had come to terms with the inevitable. I wanted to fight for his survival, not yet understanding that surviving doesn't always mean living. His passing at home, surrounded by loved ones, taught me this profound lesson.

Reflecting on those moments, I'm grateful for the support of the nurses and palliative care team. They helped us navigate a journey we were unprepared for, especially as the holiday season approached. Here are 6 ways we're coping with our first holiday season without Dad:

1. Keeping Traditions Alive:

My best friend, Leslie, a self-proclaimed enthusiast of the "Sparkle Season" insisted we keep up with holiday decorations last year. Her energy was a beacon during our darkest times. I remember Dad waking up to see the tree and decorations, a gentle smile gracing his face despite his illness. This year, Leslie helped us again, bringing a tree for Mom and adorning our home with garland. Dad's absence is palpable, but in these traditions, we feel his presence.

2. Simplifying Decorations:

Leslie ingeniously synced the tree lights and garland to a single remote for easy operation. Battery-operated candles timed to the evening's onset and minimal floor decorations ensure safety and simplicity, honoring the festive spirit without overwhelming us.

3. Embracing Our Emotions:

My sister and I regularly check in with each other and Mom. We've learned that acknowledging our grief is crucial. I wear my heart on my sleeve, unable to hide my emotions. When we reminisce about Dad, we often reflect on his final days and the pain he endured, reminding us of the complexity of our loss.

4. Creating New Traditions:

While we cherish old traditions, introducing new ones can be healing. This year, dining out for a holiday meal is our way of honoring Dad while acknowledging the change in our family dynamic.

5. Respecting Our Limits:

We understand the importance of not overextending ourselves. If we're not up for social gatherings, we don't force it. Instead, we find comfort in smaller, more intimate settings with close friends or family.

6. Prioritizing Self-Care:

As I continue to care for Mom, I'm reminded of the importance of self-care. Being a caregiver is demanding, and I've learned that I can't be there for others if I'm not also looking after myself.

As we remember Dad, we hold onto hope and the enduring love he left behind. The pain of loss is profound, but so is the strength we gain from it. In our memories and traditions, Dad's spirit lives on, a guiding light through our darkest times.

This holiday season is a mix of sorrow and nostalgia, of cherished memories and painful absences. We invite you, our readers, to share your stories of navigating holidays without a loved one. Your experiences, your struggles, and your ways of coping are a testament to the resilience of the human spirit.

Comment below or share how you are navigating grief this season. We read every reply.

How do we celebrate the holidays when our loved one is gone? Why would we even want to? It can be helpful to think of grief as love (thank you Marisa Renee Lee). When we lean into that love, it’s possible to navigate the pain of loss. Grief expert David Kessler has compiled this helpful guide for any who feel deep in muck this time of year.